Beloved Surrender

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

A Good Fit Is Hard To Find

I know what you're thinking. "Oh no! Megan is talking about shoes.....she must have found a new pair that she is plotting to get" or perhaps you're thinking "What on earth are you talking about now girl" or just maybe you are questioning "Why am I still reading this?".

Well, the last couple weeks have proven to be an exciting adventure in shoe shopping, which I believe may have some other, deeper, implications. But before I dive into those deeper thoughts, its only fair you hear the story straight from me.

I've forever been a secret fan of black flat shoes. Now I love my stilettos or wedges or even tennis shoes from time to time, but the shoes that I am most comfortable in are flat black moccasin type shoes. I can't get enough! That being said, I had a pair that I adored! They fit snug and were cute enough to wear for dressy events or for a casual day. Oh how I loved them! The sad thing about these shoes, however, is that they wore out. By the end, there were holes in them and they were sickly looking from being exposed to all kinds of weather. I had to throw them in the trash, which brought a great deal of pain!

Luckily, however, spring is coming and with that comes the new lines of shoes for the summer! Moccasins are still in style and highly desired! Recently I found a pair of black flats with a gold buckle. I tried them on and, while they weren't perfect, they would do....plus they were on sale for $3.oo so I couldn't go wrong! I gave them a shot but they failed me. They were too big! I was walking to class several times and nearly walked out of them. One time in the stairwell I literally did walk out of them. The grand finale came as I was walking back from the dining commons and stepped out of them completely and even continued walking a bit before noticing something was missing. That was it...I had enough!

I made my way to Wal Mart, and again found a pair of flats that were cheap and still durable. They were attractive and I was excited to wear them! I tried them on and they fit fine. They were technically men's so I had to adjust what size I bought. Apparentally I adjusted too much. I woke up this morning, put on my new shoes, and headed for class. I was excited to sport them and even thought to myself that they made my feet look smaller and cuter. Halfway to class I realized this was because they were squeezing my feet to a slow and painful death! I had to take them off during class and walked in pain back to my dorm afterward. My toes had been squished so much that I now have a pretty painful gash on one said of my toe! I couldn't help but think that this was ridiculous!

As I thought about it more, it seems to be the story of not only my shoe purchasing, but my life as well. It is hard to find a good fit for life. Recently, I have been trying to find a job or even just something to do when I graduate college. I try one thing and realize I don't like it very much so I move onto another. Sometimes I find something that appears to fit perfectly and then I realize that there is entirely too much freedom and I feel as though I'm just another small fish in a large ocean. Other times I think that things feel great until I get going and then realize that it's painful and leaves no room to move at all!

Now, I'm no Cinderella.....trust me! But I can't help but think that all this pain and frustration that goes along with trying to find a "good fit" in life (whether that be jobs, dating, relationships, whatever) would be alleviated if I would stop trying on the wrong shoes and be content to wait for the right shoe to come along. I believe that my "Prince" (that, of course, being Jesus) has some awesome fit for life and that He will someday slip it on like a shoe. It won't always fit perfectly....there will be times of trial and times of frustration. I do, however, believe that if I allow the reigns to be given to my King rather than me trying to control everything, I will be much more comfortable and realize that He will help me find the perfect fit.

So until then I think I'll relax a bit, and maybe even soak my tired and beat up feet.

Monday, February 28, 2011

More Than A Name

An appropriate first post for my blog might be to explain the significance of the title. It's not so much a title, as a state of mind. The word "Beloved" means "Dear to the heart" according to Webster. Good ol' Webster also tells me that "Surrender" means "to give oneself over to something, as an influence".

In my mind, typically surrendering is anything but "dear to the heart". It's not a chore that I often look forward to. In fact, it is about as equivalent as changing the cat litter in my mind. It is something I dread, every time I think I just did it I have to do it again, and honestly, it is just crappy! (Ha ha...get it...crappy??)

Now that my lovely sense of humor has come out, I will focus back on the title of this blog. Beloved Surrender is, in my mind, the process of growing to love Christ more. The ultimate act of worship is to give yourself over to Him and to His will in your life. This is not an easy task. In fact, changing cat litter is much easier in this sense. Surrendering your life, your desires, your hopes and dreams and fears all over to God is not something that is easily accomplished. This takes time, trust, and the understanding that you will likely fail before you succeed.

Lately, my life has shifted quite a bit and there has been several areas in which I feel God's calling to surrender. As I wrap up my time in college, the job search is something that has taken over my thoughts. For seven months I had the privilege of working in a church that I adored! It was an internship that gave me a taste of what's to come. Surrendering my own plans for ministry is not something that is easy or wanted. There are numerous other aspects of life that need surrendering as well. BUT....Yes there is the big "But"....I have learned and encountered Chrsist enough to know that the surrendering, though difficult and even painful, is worth every minute of it.

In essence, God's faithfulness in my life has been evident time after time. Never has He broken a promise to me, and never will He break one!! That being said, as I begin to grow and develop my relationship with Him , the idea of surrender loses its scariness and sadness and, instead, is replaced by a new feeling! I feel honored to surrender my life and my plans to Christ. It's still not always easy, but through His faithfulness I am much more trusting in the King that I surrender to.

So there you have it. Surrender, in my mind, loses the scary connotations and are instead replaced with feelings of privilege. Learning to surrender to Christ has become something that is dear to my heart, it has become beloved.

I pray that you too will experience the joy and peace that accompanies this:
"Beloved Surrender".